Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
