Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
