Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
