I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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