Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
