Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
