he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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