In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
