I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
