I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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