This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
