Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
