1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
