College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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