Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
