i just wanna soil my oats bro
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
