i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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