I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
