You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
