i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
