Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
