God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
