I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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