Barsexuality is the new black.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
