Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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