Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
