You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
