dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
