Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
