weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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