i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
