Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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