DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
