We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's the barista slut.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
