i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
