Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
