come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
