i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
