is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
