we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
