It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
