Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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