i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
