I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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