i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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