census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
