OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
