everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
