I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
