First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
