make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
