Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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